After three years of marriage, fights, and tears, she turned to him and said, “Maybe we just aren’t meant to be.” The cold resolve in her voice and face explained her callousness and contempt. He felt defeated and deflated. What could he say to her to change her mind?

The illustrative scenario is relatable to many people (I recently heard a variation of it on a cartoon for the kids).

I tire of this defeatist, give-up, and quit mentality. I tire of hearing about another failed marriage. I tire of one or both spouses regurgitating some lame society-influenced slogan that offers permission for failure. 

The statement is false on two accounts: (1) it is Scripturally undeniable that if you are in a God-authorized marriage, then it is meant to be, and it is up to you to make it all God commanded; (2) it has the underlying false view that God handpicks (or perhaps, even worse, the universe picks) your spouse. So, if the marriage is “too hard” or “just not working,” then this person must not be “The One.”

The belief that there is that one perfect person out there for you, that God is orchestrating all the events in history to align you with them—is not Biblical. Of course, I am not denying the Biblical reality that God works providentially to see His will accomplished. To strong-arm this Biblical truth into a perverted, highly personalized version of the dating game with God as the Chief Operator goes way beyond the Bible. Do I believe God brought me and my wife together? Yes, I do. How did He do it? I have no idea. At the same time, I do not get to wag my finger in His face and say, “I’m fed up; maybe she and I just aren’t meant to be,” so I can throw in the towel. Biblically, providence is more detectable in hindsight, not insight or foresight. 

What’s the point? 

Quit throwing out lame excuses. You are an adult. 

Quit trying to quit every time you tire of working on your marriage. You are an adult. 

Quit acting like a child ready to pick up all the toys and leave the playground. You are an adult. 

Dig in and do what’s right. If this is a God-authorized marriage, you are meant to stay together and make your marriage like Christ and the church (see Eph. 5:22-33).